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A little boy so happy that he finally got to wave his palm branch. Smile, beaming as he walked around waving it.

Pastor as he is preaching, "Do you know what 'Hosanna' means?"
Lydia from the back pew, speaking into the silent pause, "No!"


it hurts even to type this... self affliction. i did it. no none else. i sharpened the knife. i made the decision to cut the meat too thick the first time. i made the decision to try cutting again. i cut myself the first time... bandaged my first finger and then went to try it again. and yes, i'm the one who cut my finger again. and now i am dealing the consequence of those two choices daily. i use my hands all. the. time. constant washing, drying, rubbing... giving baths, writing, peeling, hugs, wiping, scrubbing. and now i have to suck it up and deal.

He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. Proverbs 15:32
There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt. Dr Henry Cloud

my mind is stuck on the word choices today... and this goes right along with that. i can't keep up with my brain and all that choices can lead to and is connected with and how it affects me and others. agh! in the end, it leaves me in a heap at the feet of my Savior- which is a good place to be. :)

choices. with each choice a consequence good or bad. wisdom. truth. it's there. i heard it. i went forward despite of. life isn't easy. full of choices. full of consequences. how i deal, respond to those affects yet more choices, more consequences.

"do i sit at the computer or clean the kitchen? if i sit here then supper will be late, kids will be crabby, harsh words will likely be spoken, the night will go poorly."

i think one of those "hard truths" when it comes to choices is recognizing i have no one to blame but myself. my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my inaction.

undone. choices. overwhelming when i stop to think about it. paralyzing the circles i run in my mind how one choice I make can affect so much. how it leads to other choices, and those choices to others.... on and on and on. how it affects EVERYTHING in me.
intimidating how those choices can affect others. i write can, because it doesn't mean it will. they have a choice. but what will they choose? we are creatures of habits. we mimic what we see. we imitate.

i look at my kids. i see the choices i've made. i see them mimicking. i don't always like what i see. to be honest quite often i don't. and if i'm honest then that means i'm not mimicking the one i should very often. Jesus- help me to mimic you. i write that with trembling... that means giving up of myself. my selfish wants- not needs- but wants. i have so many of those. that means possible suffering. but from your words- that also means life. true life, joys unspeakable, things unseen that i can't even imagine now.

my mind races. do others know how much their own choices have led them to where they are today and can yet lead them? i've been reading and listening to re-tellings of the lives of people in the bible. so many times it happens- they make poor selfish choices, fall away from God and there were negative consequences- death, destruction, plundered, raped, slavery, disease. they made choices and they reaped the consequences. those who where honest with themselves and confessed their folly they found grace. they found forgiveness. they found a new beginning. but they still had to suffer through the negative consequences.

who is there to guide me, warn me?

i thank God that he helps me see the poor choices i've made- to own up to them- confess them- learn from them (although not as quickly as I could- like now i should be napping so that i can get rest to help my body ridden with infection that has been here for over a month, hives, exhaustion, cuts, bruises, a head cold- again results of choices i've made)

round and round until i'm dizzy and fall at the feet of my savior. in the end- confession, repentance, to forgive and be forgiven are the best choices and only with God's help can I even begin to make those. dear Lord- i confess that i am a sinner in need of you. thank you for your grace. i don't deserve it. ever. thank you for those who come along side me and help me bear the burden of my choices. give me your gift of self-control, your gift of wisdom. help me choose good in your eyes. lead me to your word where I can find your truth.


This is one of those things I really like about living in a small town. Neighbors who take care and share. He made the rounds all around town to clean out driveways.

It saved my back and some time. And it gave this little boy a new mountain to explore.


It's evening. The rush and chaos of the night is over. I sit in the silence. Evalyn is asleep in my arms, with a full belly. I contemplate getting up to do something. But I sit. Trying to be still. And then I hear it, his small voice coming from his room. "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Ah-men."
I my hope is that one day he will truly know the depth and power of that prayer. That he will know the God behind that prayer. That he will trust him and confess him as Lord.

February 2013

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