E:"Mom, I want to see Lydia's poopy diaper."
E: "Ah Lydia, gross. You need to use the toilet."
E:"Yeah, Lydia. Like me, mom, dad."
E:"People use the toilet Lydia. Like this..." ...tinkle tinkle tinkle
E:"Yeah, people use the toilet. You can use the toilet too Lydia."
You are loved. Though it might seem like we forget you are here sometimes, you are very much a part of our lives. Our days are different with your presence. It is good. Your siblings are eager for you to grow up so they can really play with you- share and steal, hug and hit, laugh and cry, scream and be silent, run and sit, read and play. I see them attempting to share already. I find toys in your swing or bouncy chair with you. :) 2months already, yet it seems like you are much older than that already. Maybe cause you are growing so fast (the scale told me 12lbs last night!!). You are cooing and smiling. You scrunch up your tummy muscles and roll to a side. And for the most part you've been rather content to be.
Two messy days in a row. Toys, projects, laundry, play dough, water bin, cupboards emptied and contents all over. We were getting into everything. Exploring the hidden cupboards and closets. Discovering the missing & forgotten. Doing things that we don't normally do. It was good. It was fun. It was easy to clean up. So much easier to clean up than my own heart and mind. Bad attitudes, tears, words, tantrums- even me. Those were the messes of the other day.
I'd much rather face the mess in front of me instead of the mess inside of me.
Thankfully I have Jesus to help me with that mess.
Create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
Clean and Unclean- Matthew 15:1-20, Mark 7:1-23
Tears. I try to explain that we will see Daddy in a few minutes. He doesn't get it. All he knows is what he has seen. Dad got out of the car and onto the scooter. He's gone. Promises of a future hope mean nothing right now. And then it hits me. I am him, I've been him. I've done that plenty of times... the crying out about what I see. And there you are Lord, knowing full well how it will all work out,but I don't trust your words of comfort and promise. And unlike me, you are true to your word. I promise, yet I often fail to keep it. But thankfully not you Lord. Thankfully, not you.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:20
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
Crying... sigh. It's been only 30 minutes since I laid down. I go into her room. She's standing in her bed crying. "Do you want to rock?" "yah." More crying. "Are you still tired? Do you want to lay down with me and cuddle?" "yah." Awesome. I bring her to bed with me, to pick up where I left off. I rub her legs and little feet. I get up to plug in the space heater. She turns over. I gently rub her back. Moments later, I hear the soft sound of her heavy breathing. She's asleep again. Now I can't sleep. I just want to listen and watch her. This is better than a nap.
A line from a song is stuck in my head... "do everything in love... do everything in love... do everything, do everything, do everything... in love"*. Maybe it's there for a reason... a) cause I've been listening to that CD a lot b)I need that reminder daily c) I don't do everything in love d) something that I can be asking God to help me with.
*Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith. Be men of courage, be strong.Do everything in love. ~ 1 Corinthians 16:13-14
A different perspective.
"Mom can I take pictures?" I hesitate, then sigh, "Sure."
Oh why do I do this? Why hesitate when it is so easy and brings him such joy? Why deny that? And why oh why respond with a "sure". Why not meet his joy with joy?
Those unique perspectives he gives me when I flip through the pictures he's taken- why I am not more eager to get those? Most pictures I delete, but there are those few where I pause and take a second look... and then keep. Keep because they are so different, or let me see something I don't get to see- a candid me.
I find joy in watching birds. Maybe because they have something I struggle to have- simplicity. Maybe because they remind me to "do not worry"* about my life. Maybe because in order to watch them I have to be quiet and still.
*25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~ Matthew 6:25-34
I'm in the bathroom. It's Evalyn's bath time. A little hand reaches under the door and a gentle voice follows, "Maaah-mmeeee." No response is given that she can see. "Maaaah-MEEE," more urgent this time. If only she could see the light that has come to my eyes and face- the smile that beams within when she does this.
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